Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
