I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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