I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I smell like Dick and happiness
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
