I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
