im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
