Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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