I think i sorta joined a cult last night
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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