margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
