I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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