And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
