: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
