My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize