we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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