how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
