STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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