My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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