I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
