The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
thus making me awesome and them whores
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
