Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
