So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize