Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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