Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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