So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
