Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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