Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
the day after is always just damage control
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
