I showed him my bush... on skype.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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