Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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