He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Green mimosas i think yes
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
