I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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