Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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