Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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