If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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