Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
