Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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