he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Randomize
