Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
