My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
