yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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