I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
