Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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