Already got asked if we're dating
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
