You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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