he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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