He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
