its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
