Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
