I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
