school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
