My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize