the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
