i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
