Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
