Im at strip club and am horny
Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Randomize
