i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
