I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize