Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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