Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
