There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
If its not for food we ain't going out.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
