girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Randomize
