goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
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