u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize