billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Randomize
