saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
