batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
