god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize