I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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