Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
