I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
