who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
