He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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