Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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