True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
