Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
