New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
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