i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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