I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
He kissed a someone with a penis
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
