The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize