Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
