I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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