Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
