take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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