yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I deserve this hangover.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
