Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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