Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Found your dick twin last night
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Randomize
