Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
