Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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