my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
