sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
