We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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