I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
