this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Two words: blizzard sex
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
