i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
