There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
