if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
