Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
