Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
