also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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