3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
