I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
