your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
