Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
