Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
