If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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