if only i could text you this smell
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
