today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize