she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
