I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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