Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
