i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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