I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
We had sex on a dog bed..
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Come on in and take your pants off
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