hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
