he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
