You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
