there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
