look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize